oh sullen girl

I have a lot of nerves

and nothing to prove

I wonder what it's like to feel whole

useful

something more than

a broken doll

insomnia part 5

I am always tired. Short tempered. I wonder what is wrong with me that I can't seem to sleep anymore. Always waking up feeling terrible, sick, scared.

I think sometimes that this is the hardest part. It's so insidious that you can't seem to even exist now that you're tainted by nightmares and fear that you thought you'd grow out of but it's somehow always there, lurking, reaching and clawing its way into your mind and you're jolted awake in the dark.

unscathed

I feel your weight

reaching out to claw at nothing I try to scream try to open my mouth

but nothing ever comes

do I deserve this? I never know.

I think sometimes I was made for fucking

made for giving up

made for your little games I never want to play

I don't live in this body anymore

I don't live in this home anymore

I wonder who you see when you look at me

did you ever really love me?