and consequence

I got into a car accident today.

It was really minor, I'm fine, the other person is fine, and my car was the one that got hit (and it was also my fault). I'll have to deal with insurance but the ticket isn't too expensive.

I cried like a baby, because I had messed up and I felt awful. I felt so stupid, crying, but I couldn't help it. I cried because it was my fault and I knew that people were angry with me.

But the thing that bothers me the most, is that I really just didn't see the car. I turned in front of an oncoming car. I know I did. I don't do things like that.

I have been driving so distractedly lately. Not distracting myself with anything, just not being present when I am driving. I drive dazed. I didn't realized it was that bad until tonight.

I don't know why it's happening. And that scares me. A lot.

thoughts right now

i don't think this is was it's supposed to feel like

i don't i'm supposed to forget about it
i remember it now

i didn't even know about the domestic violence awareness march

i missed my chance to become part of the clothesline project

i miss you, Rachel. 

god it hurts right now

Forgetting

I'm trying so hard not to forget to think about it. I don't like forgetting about it. It's not like I've healed or anything, I just... am constantly distracted. I don't listen to music, write, think, anything. I just do mindless things.

It's not healthy and it's not good, because the last time I was ignorant, it didn't end so well.