your knife it might be too sharp

I haven't felt this broken in about a year or so, since I moved out. Had a long last night talking about other people in my life and realizing that I had other abusers, too. Abusers who accused and gaslighted and invaded my privacy and made me feel insane. Abusers who did other things to me and who I still have to see almost every day.

I feel so empty and so sad. Like there's no way out of this. This is how I felt so many years ago when I woke up to realization of what he had done.

It all feels too much now. That familiar heavy crushing weight on my chest, the anxiety that makes me pace until I can't stand anymore.

This is what broken feels like, like there's nothing I could do to drag me out of this.